listen… nothing in this world makes sense. fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing and boxing rings are square and noses run and feet smell and shrek 1 and 2 made it to cannes film festival. just do whatever the fuck you want honestly
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I wish i actually wore the fashion taste i have
I wish I could afford the fashion taste I have
I wish I had the body for the fashion taste I have
all of the above
Quick Facts: Ancient Celts
- Skin: Commonly described as fair, clear or white. (ref: Diodorus,
Ammianus Marcellinus)
- Hair: Long hair was the fashion, described as “thick and shaggy like a horse’s mane”, even satyr-like due to the treatment with limewater; the aristocracy favored large moustaches; and the Celts generally shaved their entire bodies, Caesar’s account further proven by iron razors and sprung iron shears found at the site of La Tene. Hair was variously mentioned as blond, flaxen or tawny, but either way further lightened artificially with lime. (ref: Caesar)
- Height: Frequently described as very tall - taller than the Romans, the women bigger and stronger than Roman women. (ref: Diodorus, Marcus Borealis)
- Fitness: The Celts are frequently attributed by historians with great physical prowess (“with rippling muscles”). In fact, fitness was so inherent to their customs, that any man exceeding the standard size was punished. (ref: Strabo)
- Food/Diet: Grains, fruits, nuts, meat. Caesar describes them as living on “milk and meat”; Poseidonius also points out bread and fish. Cattle, dogs, hares, fowl and geese they grew only for entertainment or practical use.
- Fashion: Striking clothing, dyed and embroidered in bright colors, striped or checkered cloaks. They wore form-fitting pants called “bracae”, tunics that were red, purple or multicolored, elaborate torcs as symbols of power, brooches, bracelets, hairpins and rings. They took great interest in their appearance, so that not even the poorest wore soiled or ragged clothing. Even cosmetic grinders have been found in Iron Age British contexts, signalling they might have used eyeshadow or blush. (ref: Diodorus, Flavius Arianus, Propertius, Amnianus Marcellinus)
- Tattoos: The Britons were unique for their tattoos and the blue woad they painted their bodies with. (ref: Caesar)
- Music: The most famous Celtic instrument is the Carnyx, styled in the form of an open-mouthed boar, emitting harsh, discordant sounds suited for battle. (ref: Diodorus)
- Personality: High-spirited, hospitable, fond of feasting, straightforward, frank, courageous, etc. (ref: Diodorus)
- Notable traditions: The head as the throne of the soul, hence the custom of severed heads as trophies; comradeship was important (those with most followers considered most powerful). (ref: Polybius)
- Traveling: Some tribes were nomadic, ridden with wanderlust, others settled down in farming communities.
- Sexuality: Homosexuality was common and they were very nonchalant about it, showing they were comfortable with varying sexual orientations as well as sexuality in general. (ref: Athenaeus)
- Spirituality: Animism (the notion that everything is animated with life, including nature), the worship of nature, a vast pantheon of gods that differed from tribe to tribe, but had common deities as well (ie. Cernunnos).
It occurs to me that as much as “humans are the scary ones” fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly friendly or curious ones.
I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought “I’m gonna ride on that thing!”?
And put a human near any canine predator and there’s a strong chance of said human yelling “PUPPY!” and initiating playful interaction with it.
And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide “I’m gonna swim with our splashy danger friends!”
Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest aliens out there and say “Heck with it. I’m gonna hug ‘em.”
“Why?!”
“I dunno. I gotta hug ‘em.”
And it’s like the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends.
“Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans.”
“Why? Are they more aggressive than we anticipated?”
“It seems to be the opposite Commander. Just this morning a crewman nearly lost their hand when attempting to stroke an unidentified feline on an unknown world. Their reaction to the attack was to call the creature a “mean kitty” and vow to win it over. Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readily with creatures outside their species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alien creature they have never seen before simply because it appears distressed. I hate to say this commander but we must install a rule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy’s fauna.”
“I see what you mean. So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown animals without permission from a superior officer. And send a message to supplies about acquiring one of these “puppies” so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated.
Ehehehe I love this! Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 90% cuter and more epic
Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hell outta that rule whenever alone.
“So I hear that you’ve just recruited a human for your ship.”
“Yes, it’s the first time that I’ve worked with these species, but they come highly recommended. Say, you’ve worked with a few, what tips can you give me? I’d hate to have some kind of cultural misunderstanding if it’s avoidable.”
“The first rule of working with humans is never leave them unsupervised.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m serious. Don’t do it. Things. Happen.”
“But wait, I thought that I heard you highly recommended that every crew should have at least one on board?”
“Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excellent innovators, and are psychologically very resilient. If you have a crisis, then a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable. Treat your human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member. Their ability to get on with almost any species is legendary.”
“But Toks, didn’t you just say…”
“The trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anything. If you leave them unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into. It was sheer luck that the Fanzorians thought that it was funny that the human picked up the Crown Prince to coo at him.”
“Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pixia?”
“The very same. Surprisingly good sense of humour. But don’t even get me started on that one time with the Dunlip. Al-Human wanted to know if they could keep it. As a pet.”
“A Dunlip? You mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun?”
“Yup. Don’t leave your humans unsupervised.”
“I’ll uh, take that under advisement.”
“Seriously. Get a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond with or they will make their own. I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway, but without any permanent pets they can get… creative. Don’t even get me started on the time one of them taped a knife to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby.
Three weeks in and when we finally caught the wretched thing, half the humans on crew tried to revolt about us “killing” Stabby by removing the knife.
“How… how did you resolve that sir?”
“Glaxcol made a toy knife out of insulation rubber and strapped that on instead. Quite a creative solution, I suppose.”
“And that sated the humans?
“Worse.”
“Worse?”
“They thought it was so funny they made a second one, strapped false eyes on springs to both and held mock battles. Then decided Stabby and Knifey were in love and now none of them will allow the others to stage fights between them any more.”
The most feared phrase in the galaxy, the one that all Captains with a Human crewmember fear is “It followed me home. Can I keep it?”
This generation is so intelligent. They care about racism, feminism, ableism, and that’s such a positive mentality, but they need to leave room for forgiveness. Nobody is perfect and people are educating themselves at different paces. So be mindful.
Halsey for CR Fashion book (via daenerysjon)
It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair
Like no
Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.
Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?
I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.
When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies from the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.
This is and will always remain one of my favorite stories on Tumblr.
Children playing with Barbies in media: “This is Sally. She’s the mommy. She loves fashion, swimming, and she drives a convertible! She has a baby with Ken and sometimes they kiss.” OR “Look, I ripped Barbie’s head off! Ha ha ha! I’m a boy.”
Children playing with Barbies in real life: “This is Aurora, the fallen goddess of the sky. She has been banished from her kingdom and bound to a mortal body by her sister, who rose to power by human sacrifices. She now leads an army of cannibal water spirits who eat men. Sometimes they have orgies. They dismembered a traitor and keep her head on a Popsicle stick as a warning to others. Aurora can turn into a wolf and uses battle magic to paralyze her enemies. The king of the stuffed animals developed rabies and she had to slay him to save his people, but they do not understand that it was an act of mercy and kindness and are sending assassins after her for regicide. This is Aurora’s soulmate, Crystal, but her soul is trapped in a gemstone while an evil spirit pilots her body and attempts to murder her friends.”
My Barbies were lesbians. One of them got a friend’s Barbie pregnant. It never occurred to me to get a Ken. I knew he existed but I did not think he was necessary. There were many scandalous love affairs.
hell-in-ahandbasket